April 29, 2014

Adventures in Dating: The one where I go on a second date!

I met W a couple of weeks ago and it was seriously one of the best first dates of my life. We debated the merits of the LOTR films vs. the books and agreed that it was probably one of the ONLY times in our lives where the movie was quite possibly better than the book. I'm sure he couldn't believe that he was having that conversation with me...a girl in pink glasses. (Hmmmm....new screen name perhaps?) Okay, back to the important stuff. We talked for hours and hours and hours. I missed several trains home. When we finally stood up at the same time my heart skipped a beat because he was a solid 4 inches taller than me. As a tall girl I can't tell you how rare it is to look up to someone. It's worth the crick in the neck. We walked to the metro together and he held my hand AND I wasn't freaked out by it. In fact, it was quite refreshing. He kissed me as he put me on my train and we made plans to see each other again. In fact, when I texted him later that evening to thank him for a lovely date he texted back and we continued to chat. I saw him again on Thursday. We skipped the weekend because I had friends in town (and...well he was out of town.) I'd just like to make it clear that if my friends (who also happen to be two of my biggest fans) ::whoa watch out head, no getting bigger:: were also in town while he was, they have/will always have priority.

We texted back and forth for a while, but inevitably the conversation started slowing down. We made plans for the following weekend, but he called out sick/had work/who remembers what the excuse was. I began to doubt the whole thing, but when he texted, on Monday, asking to go out later that week I said yes to Friday. He, of course, didn't text until 7:30 Friday night. 5 days. (Hmmmm...I feel like that number has popped up before.) I mean, I feel like it's just common sense AND good manners to text earlier because who the hell texts right before expecting to get a yes? I felt like it was turning into something I didn't want and so I didn't see him that night. We did go out to dinner after the library the next evening, which made me realise I should never hang out with anyone after spending so many hours hunched over microfilm in the library. I should head home immediately and take my frustration out on stupid tourists. It was a slightly awkward meal because all I could think about was food and every time I opened my mouth all I could say was "sushiiiii" and drool slightly. Not super attractive. On our walk back to the metro we both realised we'd be going to AWESOME CON the next day. If you don't know what Awesome Con is you can find out here. My friend Dana over at Good Red Herring is a fantastic blogger and her pictures are infinitely better than mine. I digress...again. I texted him shortly after I arrived at Awesome Con the next day because Dana was off at her own panel and I had a bit of time to kill before my next one. He never responded. I made up my mind there and then that was it. Then, of course, we ran into to each other. He was there with his roommates and I feel like the proverbial third wheel. Well maybe 5th wheel. It was supremely awkward. I'd go on about how it was awkward, but then I'd probably seem like the crazy one for complaining about the "small stuff." The point is I felt awkward and that's pretty much all that matters. I vowed to get out of there asap and never put myself in that position again. I stopped talking to him and vice versa after that. I'm sure I'll put myself in that position again because you never know how life turns out, but I did learn another lesson. No matter how good a kisser a guy is nothing's ever going to happen if he isn't really a good guy.

Sorry, if this seemed uber depressing. My next blog post will probably be about the 23-year old who keeps messaging me. In his defense, I messaged him back. Orrrr maybe it'll be the one about the GIRL who keeps sending me messages on OkCupid. In her defense, I message her back too. We talk about how terrible guys are. It's kind of funny.

April 7, 2014

Adventures in Dating: The one where a good date goes awfully wrong.

I know I’ve been writing about all the bad stuff that happens and since that’s always the funny stuff I have no desire to do otherwise. When I started planning this blog post I knew that I wanted to write about the one date that went really well. The thing was I started I planning it in the middle of the date. I should have waited until the end to really decide. It did not end well. 5 days later, it finally ended and it was not on the good side of things. In fact, I’m not going to use his screen name, because I would hate for him to read this and know that I was talking about him.
We got matched on OKC because we both rated each other very highly. I sent him my slightly modified generic message that I send to all guys I’m matched with. It’s gotten me a few responses so it’s not too bad a message – I guess. His response to me was hilarious and that pretty much set the tone for our subsequent online message and text message exchange. It was all very positive and I was really excited about it. I actually got dressed up and got my hair did and all that jazz. We met in Chinatown and had dinner at Zengo. Good sign because I told him that it was one of the few places out there I hadn't tried before. 
The date got off to a weird start because he kept trying to touch me. Like his hand would brush my hand and then it would touch my knee and I know I’m weird about that stuff because it freaks me out, but what made it even weirder was the fact that it felt forced. He would look down at his hand as it brushed mine as if to reassure himself that it was there and doing what he wanted. Not in a crazy, psycho way. In a...nervous way. I didn't understand what was happening. If you're nervous about something, especially on a first date, why push yourself to do it. I reiterate, ESPECIALLY on a first date. 
Thankfully, things got better as the date wore on because he was funny and smart and we had a lot in common and I became more comfortable with him. By the end of the date when he tried to hold my hand I didn't run away screaming. At the end of the date he walked me to my car because I was parked quite far away and I offered to drive him back to the metro because 1) it was only polite and 2) it was hella freezing. I knew he was going to try and kiss me because the entire way back to my car he kept making these odd movements with his head and I was like “oh God, he’s going to try and kiss me.” Sure enough, as soon as we got into my car he kissed me. It started off nice enough, but then he started using his teeth and soon escalated into a situation where I’m pretty sure he tried to eat my face. 

This Gchat pretty much sums up my feelings on that subject:

me:  ugh, it makes me shiver when i think about his teeth on [my] mouth
D:  um i shiver hearing you shiver

 Yeah, everything else was great, but at the age I’m at, I don’t need to teach my man how to kiss. Am I right? (Or was I wrong?)
I decided that I’d had a better time on the date and was willing to give him a second chance hoping that his way of kissing was due to nerves. He texted me when he got home to make sure I was okay and I assured him I was. That was the last time I heard from him. I texted him 2 days later to chat and he responded, in a very stilted manner (if such a manner can be deduced through text message) and then abruptly stopped responding in the middle of the conversation. BIG NO NO in my book. I didn't message him again. Late Thursday evening (read: 5 days later) he texted me asking if I wanted to hang out on Saturday. I told that I made plans with a friend of mine to see her baby. He asked about Sunday and I said I had to babysit. Then he asked me about my plans in the upcoming week and I sort of gave up on trying to be subtle because obviously men don’t do subtle. Am I being mean and generalizing? I said “Look, you didn't text for two days, barely responded when I texted, then just stopped in the middle of a conversation and then texted two days later to ask me out. Not sure what happened and I had really nice time and I wish you’d followed up, but I don’t have time for whatever is going on.” Then there was all this blah, blah, blah about work and how he had to work on Sunday and how he’s so busy. Dude, we’re all busy. Life is crazy. I work, go to school, read constantly, date, babysit, blog and still find time to text a guy if I’m interested. My whole point is that people make time for the things that matter to them. If seeing me again was really that important to you, you would have texted right away."
At the moment I have the 2nd most awesome professor I've ever had in my entire academic career. We discuss indentured labor, bond over research and using microfilm and then end our meetings talk about our lives. She told me how her husband texted the morning after their first date. Why? Cos he was into her and wasn't afraid to show her that he was. I have no time for guys that are afraid of their feelings and I don’t need that projected onto me and surprise, surprise, I’m not the only girl out there that thinks that.

Lessons (hopefully) learned by me and my fellow ladies? Follow your instinct. When he touched my hand and made me feel awkward, I should have said something, even if that was likely to make him feel awkward. Who the heck cares how he feels when I’m made to feel weird?

Lessons (hopefully) learned by men? Texting after a date isn’t a game. Who cares what Hollywood/your friends/anything that isn't your gut tells you to do? Waiting is stupid and the right woman won’t tolerate that. If you want to text her the very next morning, you should do it! (Unless the date went badly, then save both yourselves the trouble and don’t waste your time.)

My tips: A text message conversation is akin to real life conversation. Sure, there are some niceties that needn't be observed all the time, but to quit responding in the middle of a text message is like walking off in the middle of a conversation.