I know I’ve been writing about all the bad stuff that
happens and since that’s always the funny stuff I have no desire to do
otherwise. When I started planning this blog post I knew that I wanted to write
about the one date that went really well. The thing was I started I planning it
in the middle of the date. I should have waited until the end to really decide.
It did not end well. 5 days later, it finally ended and it was not on the good
side of things. In fact, I’m not going to use his screen name, because I would
hate for him to read this and know that I was talking about him.
We got matched on OKC
because we both rated each other very highly. I sent him my slightly modified
generic message that I send to all guys I’m matched with. It’s gotten me a few responses
so it’s not too bad a message – I guess. His response to me was hilarious and
that pretty much set the tone for our subsequent online message and text
message exchange. It was all very positive and I was really excited about it. I
actually got dressed up and got my hair did and all that jazz. We met in
Chinatown and had dinner at Zengo. Good sign because I told him that it was one
of the few places out there I hadn't tried before.
The date got off to a weird
start because he kept trying to touch me. Like his hand would brush my hand and
then it would touch my knee and I know I’m weird about that stuff because it
freaks me out, but what made it even weirder was the fact that it felt forced.
He would look down at his hand as it brushed mine as if to reassure himself
that it was there and doing what he wanted. Not in a crazy, psycho way. In a...nervous way. I didn't understand what was
happening. If you're nervous about something, especially on a first date, why push yourself to do it. I reiterate, ESPECIALLY on a first date.
Thankfully, things got better as the date wore on because he was
funny and smart and we had a lot in common and I became more comfortable with
him. By the end of the date when he tried to hold my hand I didn't run away
screaming. At the end of the date he walked me to my car because I was parked
quite far away and I offered to drive him back to the metro because 1) it was
only polite and 2) it was hella freezing. I knew he was going to try and kiss
me because the entire way back to my car he kept making these odd movements
with his head and I was like “oh God, he’s going to try and kiss me.” Sure
enough, as soon as we got into my car he kissed me. It started off nice enough,
but then he started using his teeth and soon escalated into a situation where I’m pretty sure he tried to eat my
face.
This Gchat pretty much sums up my feelings on that subject:
me: ugh, it makes me shiver when i think about his teeth on [my] mouth
D: um i shiver hearing you shiver
gross...
Yeah, everything else
was great, but at the age I’m at, I don’t need to teach my man how to kiss. Am
I right? (Or was I wrong?)
I decided that I’d had a better time on the date and was
willing to give him a second chance hoping that his way of kissing was due to
nerves. He texted me when he got home to make sure I was okay and I assured him
I was. That was the last time I heard from him. I texted him 2 days later to
chat and he responded, in a very stilted manner (if such a manner can be
deduced through text message) and then abruptly stopped responding in the
middle of the conversation. BIG NO NO in my book. I didn't message him again.
Late Thursday evening (read: 5 days later) he texted me asking if I wanted to
hang out on Saturday. I told that I made plans with a friend of mine to see her
baby. He asked about Sunday and I said I had to babysit. Then he asked me about
my plans in the upcoming week and I sort of gave up on trying to be subtle
because obviously men don’t do subtle. Am I being mean and generalizing? I said
“Look, you didn't text for two days, barely responded when I texted, then just
stopped in the middle of a conversation and then texted two days later to ask
me out. Not sure what happened and I had really nice time and I wish you’d
followed up, but I don’t have time for whatever is going on.” Then there was
all this blah, blah, blah about work and how he had to work on Sunday and how
he’s so busy. Dude, we’re all busy. Life is crazy. I work, go to school, read
constantly, date, babysit, blog and still find time to text a guy if I’m
interested. My whole point is that people make time for the things that matter
to them. If seeing me again was really that important to you, you would have
texted right away."
At the moment I have the 2nd most awesome professor I've ever
had in my entire academic career. We discuss indentured labor, bond
over research and using microfilm and then end our meetings talk about our
lives. She told me how her husband texted the morning after their first date.
Why? Cos he was into her and wasn't afraid to show her that he was. I have no
time for guys that are afraid of their feelings and I don’t need that projected
onto me and surprise, surprise, I’m not the only girl out there that thinks
that.
Lessons (hopefully) learned by me and my fellow ladies? Follow your
instinct. When he touched my hand and made me feel awkward, I should have said
something, even if that was likely to make him feel awkward. Who the heck cares
how he feels when I’m made to feel weird?
Lessons (hopefully) learned by men? Texting after a date isn’t a game.
Who cares what Hollywood/your friends/anything that isn't your gut tells you to do? Waiting is stupid and the right woman
won’t tolerate that. If you want to text her the very next morning, you should
do it! (Unless the date went badly, then save both yourselves the trouble and
don’t waste your time.)
My tips: A text message conversation is akin to real life
conversation. Sure, there are some niceties that needn't be observed all the
time, but to quit responding in the middle of a text message is like walking
off in the middle of a conversation.
